i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
