i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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