One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
