If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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