I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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