He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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