Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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