I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
