the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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