Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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