We won't sleep together?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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