She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
