I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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