just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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