I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize
