you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
