I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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