I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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