Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
