I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
