so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
