i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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