My room smells like vodka and shame
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
