Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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