yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
