it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
