You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
one might say we're banned from that church
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
