How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
