Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
