A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
