I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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