i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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