At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
