I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Even my vagina gasped.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Terrible idea I love it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
