When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dicks are not precious.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
