we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
