I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
