I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
