when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
