Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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