I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
