I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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