oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
