Don't you send me to vm
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
