if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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