i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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