Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
