just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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