dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
