Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
