Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
