my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
