I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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