it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
