Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You can't special order awesome
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
