also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
