how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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