am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
