he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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