so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why do cheetos always look like penises
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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