Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i will never coherently bang her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
