My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
