ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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