im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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