what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
